Thursday, June 9, 2011

Through the Looking Glass

it's tiMe that I just let go eVeN moRe iN my life... lettiNg go of {fear} that is. But if I could wRite tHe woRds I really waNt to wRite, i'M afRaid of aNotHeR bRoKeN heart. At tHe eNd of each day as I lay my head upon my pillow, I stuMble of what to say aNyMoRe of what to wRite or soMetiMes forgettiNg how to really breath...
coNfused, lost iN tRaNslatioN waNtiNg to get so much out of my heart oNto these pages of my life but afRaid to breath aNd let my pen just wRite aNd hope that it takes me soMewHeRe that will make moRe seNse to me. CoMpassioN, tRuth, uNdeRstaNdiNg, kiNdness aNd loVe within the heart of maNkiNd. I feel as though I haVe been 'sucker puNched' iN life... fRoM eVery geNre sort of speak, eVery aspect has been flipped upside doWn within the past year aNd woNdeR if I eVer did really fall doWn a hole, absolutely dazed aNd coNfused.
Neither good or bad but left feeliNg extReMely heart bRoKeN if that makes seNse? I feel as though I lost soMetHiNg aNd caN't seem to fiNd my way or peRhaps it's just lost iN tRaNslatioN aNd what I mean to say is...
I doN't seem to kNoW which way to go, I aM tRyiNg to add it up aNd piN it doWn but I just caN't. At soMe poiNt it made total seNse to me aNd now not suRe aNyMoRe.
If I could just go back for oNe day, is tHeRe such a tHiNg of borrowed tiMe?
To look through tHe 'haNdbook' of life to peRhaps fiNd moRe aNsWeRs, to make better seNse?
I'M afRaid that life oNly alloWs me to say what I really waNt to say within a 30-60 minute tiMe peRiod so I often doN't souNd like myself. I haVe been told tiMe aNd tiMe again iN life to just {show~do} Let go, tRust haVe moRe faith but I fiNd myself wakiNg up to soMetHiNg that doesN't make seNse to me. My jourNey has aN extreme hold oN me aNd it's all I can do to take deep breaths. I feel as though my hour iN self expression is up aNd my tiMe wRitiNg with the RaVeN has caught me couNtiNg sheep.
So for now I will take oNe step iN fRoNt of tHe otHer aNd coNtiNue to wRite within these pages aboVe the door, hopiNg that it will guide me back to wHeRe I waNt to go iN not beiNg afRaid to discoVeR...
aRt JourNal of